LETTING GO!

my journey

from darkness

to light

 we are creatures of light 
   

the back story


I've had a lot of drama throughout my life!

In fact, if I had been a cat I might have been close to using up my nine lives!! I'm not joking! By the age of twelve I had nearly drowned twice - no wonder I am still scared of water. As a teenager I stepped in front of a moving car and was run over, resulting in a trip to hospital and seventeen stitches in my leg.

In my early twenties I became pregnant, but life as an unmarried mother was not an option for me or for the many other girls who found themselves expecting babies back in the 1960s. As a result, I was forced to give up my tiny first son for adoption and continue my studies. The whole affair was swept under the carpet and I was left filled with bitter resentment and guilt as well as feeling utterly heartbroken. My only consolation was that at least he might get a better life than I, as a fairly broke art student, could give him.

However, I married my boyfriend and after three years I was overjoyed to bear another son who we called Gregor. But when he was only a baby a cervical smear test revealed I had what they called suspicious cells. I was too scared to refuse the total hysterectomy they recommended "to save my life" and, aged only twenty-seven, it left my dreams of a big family shattered.

At forty-two I once more escaped death when a huge falling tree crushed my car; the car was a write-off but I survived. Nevertheless, it changed my way of seeing life and my twenty-year marriage failed not long after that.

Then, as if things couldn't get any worse, when he was twenty-four my lovely Gregor accidentally fell from the fishing boat he worked on. His heart stopped when he entered the cold water and he died.

Friends would ask how I had coped with all those awful events in my life and I would glibly reply, "Well you have to, don't you?" But the truth was that I had not dealt with it very well at all. I was drowning in suppressed guilt, resentment, discontent, bitterness and anger; negativity buried deep inside me that nearly cost me my life.

the wake-up call

Four years after Gregor's death, my dear dad passed away in his ninety-fourth year, leaving another huge gap in my life. Then everything changed. I found a lump - they said it was breast cancer, and I was terrified. Suddenly I saw how valuable and precious was my own life, and how much of it I had wasted.

I underwent surgery to cut out the lump and was told that I should then undergo "life-saving" follow-up treatment of chemotherapy and radiotherapy. I was scared stiff and agreed to the treatment.

However, during my third session of chemotherapy the vein collapsed, letting the poison spill out into my hand and burn it. I was sent home and told to return next week. But that night a very loud voice in my head cried "My body is saying NO to this treatment", and the next day I cancelled my appointment. I knew that my life was in my hands, nobody else's.

9 lives 














my life my hands
 

synchronicity

Without realising it I had allowed my life to become completely out of balance. I wanted to survive, but I would need to make some very tough decisions. I had to get rid of the darkness that had taken over every aspect of my life and clearly, I was going to need help - but from where I did not know!

However, help was right there! The same Universe that had delivered all those dreadful events in my life began to supply me with the right people, at every stage of my journey. Synchronicity became a wonderful new word in my vocabulary!

After searching the internet, I was put in touch with Nina - a "Soul Therapist", who lived not too far from me down in the Scottish Borders.

I made an appointment and spent two hours in her beautiful home, surrounded by angels, rainbows, lovely scents and heavenly music. Most of the time she just sat with her eyes closed, holding my hand but eventually she said "Bren, I'm told that you need to change your diet."

Driving home with Erika, my best friend and partner in life, I grumbled that Nina was wrong: I had a healthy diet with lots of vegetarian food... However later that week a book arrived for me which Erika had ordered on line. It was called "Your Life in Your Hands" and it proved without doubt that breast cancer and commercially produced dairy products are linked. Breast cancer feeds on the high levels of hormones in intensively reared dairy cows.

So Nina's "Guide" was right after all, I did need to make big changes in my diet, but I wasn't sure how to do it.

The following week Erika collected from the cash and carry, in her taxi, a young woman who took from her bag an invitation to a free talk the very next Sunday, by Barbara Wren, Principal of the College of Natural Nutrition. She would be opening a diploma course in Glasgow.

Of course, I went along and to start with I wondered if this would be the right thing to do. But then Barbara said something that made me sit up and listen intently! "Cancer", she said, "Is not a death sentence, it is a wake-up call from the Universe." Wow! This was more like it, so for the rest of the talk I was enthralled and signed up afterwards to study for a diploma.

 you need to change your diet Bren







cancer is not a death sentence
 

healing from within

It opened up a new way of living for me and although I got my Diploma, the self-empowerment I gained was a far greater achievement: I learned that we all have the power to heal from within, everything in the Universe is connected and we can harness the natural healing cycles that exist within us all.

Finding out that our bodies require light to survive was so obvious - when I started to think about it! I learned so much from this course, but after one of my fellow students died of cancer, despite having an incredibly healthy diet I realised that, although what we eat affects our physical body, there are other aspects of ourselves which also affect it.

However another friend who I met at the college, and who is still one of my best friends today, achieved a wonderful result from her own health challenge. She cured herself from a non-Hodgkins lymphoma without any conventional treatment at all - using a diet containing so much carrot juice that she appeared quite orange at times! Her inspirational book 'Rabbits don't get Lymphoma' is an account of her remarkable story .

mind over matter

At one point I joined a group session of Past Life Regression.

Although initially sceptical, what I learned from the three different "lives" was startlingly relevant to my own state of mind. After that session, hang-ups which had plagued me for years, guilt, neediness and a fear of being poor, slipped away, never to return. Many a time I caught the old mindset returning and sent it packing! I was beginning to appreciate the power of the mind.

One day I found a book called 'The Secret Life of Your Cells' by Robert Stone PhD. The back cover reads "The cells of your body, even removed and observed at a distance, know what you are thinking!" This amazing book proved to me that the mind definitely tells our cells how to behave.

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have I been here before?
 

mind mastery

During my search, I learned the meanings of some very big words, one of which is 'psychoneuroimmunology'. Literally this term means: the mind (psycho-) controls the brain (neuro-), which in turn, controls the immune system (immunology).

Did it mean that I could actually think myself well? I longed to meet someone who could demonstrate first hand that it really could be done. By a lucky coincidence (synchronicity again) I happened to be in London at the same time as a supreme master of the subject, Martin Brofman. I bought his book 'Anything Can Be Healed' and discovered how to switch off the negative thoughts and replace them with positive ones

But even though I was becoming more and more skilled at mind mastery I was missing some crucial information somewhere along the line. My body was still misbehaving and the surgeon who I returned to every now and again began to greet me almost as an old friend. This was very nice but, no offence to him, I really did not want to keep having to go back to have more little bits of me cut out.

visualisations

I searched the internet (again) this time to find visualisations to do. I loved the name of renowned healer Betty Shine, so I wrote to her along with an order for visualisation tapes.There is one session called 'Mind Medicine', which she recorded especially for people with cancer. I listened to it so many times that I almost learned it by heart. On it she describes, in her wonderfully relaxing voice, how we can all build a healing room inside our heads, which we can go to for help with anything from a headache to cancer.

I searched the Internet for evidence that people like me could overcome cancer and all the time I found testimonials of success to strengthen my belief Of course I found plenty of naysayers out there as well but I told myself, "Brenda, why would you want to believe what THEY have to say? You want to be a success story, not a victim!"

affirmations

Throughout my journey, I found it very important to keep on reminding myself of the people I knew who had overcome so-called 'terminal' illnesses: 'If they can do it,' I said to myself, 'then so can I!'

I searched the internet for "Affirmations" and at the top of the list came the name Louise L. Hay. This remarkable lady, now over ninety years old, overcame a cancerous tumour as a young woman, without any conventional treatment.

I loved her book "You Can Heal Your Life" because from start to finish it offered the hope and encouragement that I so desperately needed. Her words on breast problems gave me much food for thought because I could completely identify with her definition:

'BREAST PROBLEMS: A refusal to nourish the self. Putting every- one else first….' The corresponding mantra, which I wrote out and carried about with me reads, "I am important. I count. I now care for and nourish myself with love and with joy. I allow others the freedom to be who they are. We are all safe and free."

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tapping the subconscious

After my fifth visit to the breast unit in Edinburgh I knew that things were getting desperate. Although my surgeon would happily remove bits of my body until there was no more me left, I needed to get to the WHY of my illness. I would have to look deep inside myself and alter my whole way of thinking. I would have to pick my own brain like never before because I was in a mess. But I didn't know where to start.

I was really struggling to gain control of my mind. I needed a foolproof technique to follow and by sheer good luck - or synchronicity a friend phoned who I had not seen for years. She was horrified to learn that I had been for breast surgery five times and excitedly told me about a course of workshops that would be happening in the very next street to mine. She said that I would learn how to get rid of all the negative emotions that had been causing blockages in my energy and making me ill.

The name of this programme was EFT . I booked myself on to the course and almost immediately found that I had had been given the most significant key yet towards getting myself well.

I learned that our instructions for living are written on the walls of our minds and even as adults we still obey those dictates. They represent the attitudes, opinions and beliefs that we have accumulated over the years, hand-me-downs from parents, grandparents, teachers, religion, peers, books, TV and other so- called authorities in our lives.

Little by little I worked through my own hang-ups, clearing them away until I knew that I was on the right track at last. It took quite a while grappling with guilt, plus a broken leg, before I could stand strong and say to myself "Brenda, if you want to do something, do it! But if you don't want to do it, JUST SAY NO!"

personal peace=perfect health

Discovering EFT was the major turning point in my journey. One of its key aspects is known as the Personal Peace Procedure. This process is recommended for long-term work on deep seated issues such as cancer. I knew that I must definitely have plenty of those!

As I tapped away it was like unpeeling layers of an onion. It took quite a while, but as I went through my list I could feel long standing hurts and grudges sliding away, never to return - emotional freedom indeed! I had recognised my childhood jealousy of my twin brother, but I was shocked at the depth of hostility I had harboured against him. Even from before we were born I had resented his presence in MY mother's womb.

But far more dangerous had been the angry feelings that I had bottled up against my own mother, from childhood jealousy over her perceived favouritism of my brother to her complete refusal to discuss or recognise the trauma that I had suffered in giving my first child away. The guilt of knowing that I had been a disgrace to the family was still eating away at my fifty-plus year old body. In the safety of the EFT support group I tearfully replayed those scenes again and forgave my young self for getting things so badly wrong.

When I finally accepted that my mother had been unable to act any differently, because all she had ever wanted what was best for her children, I felt a lifetime of dark thoughts float away. Therefore, I felt very blessed that, at the end of her life, I was honestly able to tell my mum how much I loved her and how grateful I was for the lessons she had taught me. It made me so happy that she passed away at the age of ninety-eight with a smile on her face, knowing that she and I were finally friends.

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a message from my heart

I truly believe that cancer is not the death sentence it was once feared to be. I learned to see the diagnosis as my "wake-up call" from the universe and accepted that I had to change the aspects of my life which had made me ill.

I learned of people that had been told they were dying who made a complete recovery. Throughout my journey to healing I kept reminding myself of those people. "If they can do it," I said to myself, "then so can I!" There is nothing to say that you cannot be that person with a success story.

My mother passed on to that great school in the sky, but before she died I was able to talk to her as an adult and a friend. Sadly, my twin brother only survived our mother for a short while before his body succumbed to the ravages of alcohol. I now know that this was his choice and nobody could have prevented it, not even me.

My adopted twin sons are both married and I have many beautiful grandchildren who bring joy and light to my life. I searched for and found the baby that was taken from me in 1968 and met my handsome forty-six-year-old son for the first time in 2014. We are a constant joy to each other now.

Finally, after years of self-doubt, guilt and hiding my true feelings I have discovered who I am. I have learned to appreciate the Dance of Life and it is my hope that this little handbook will help you to dance too. Cancer gave me the opportunity to take charge of my own life and my own healing.

It is my belief that you can do the same.… {short description of image}


If you would like to read more about my healing journey I have wrtitten a booklet containing this story and more, called "Letting Go". I have also published three other booklets in this series, "Getting through Cancer", "The Light Programme" and "Recipes for Living".

They cost £2.50 each including UK postage. You can order them and pay online with PayPal.

Please email me

 
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